what is wrong with me?

You always hear that pregnancy makes you emotional. Practically every movie and TV show featuring a pregnant woman, shows us some kind of hysterical, or tearful outburst. "She's pregnant", they say. "OH..... Yep--that explains it".

I am pregnant, but until this week, I have not been overly emotional. I have been nauseous beyond my wildest imagination. I have been more tired than I thought possible. I have felt deeper love for my husband than at any other time in our five years together. But I haven't been tearful.

Until this week. This week I have cried every day so far. And not the fake, only watery eyes kind of crying either. Hard, real, whole body crying. Sunday during church I had to get up and leave the meeting when after hearing from a father who had recently discovered that his toddler had a degenerative disease that would first take his ability to move, and eventually his life, we heard a beautiful song from the choir about The Savior's love for us--and it was too much. I was filled up with it all--life and death and love. And I thought of my child. I left bawling, hoping I didn't trip over my silly and much too high heels, and wondered what people were thinking.

"Oh she's pregnant...that explains it".

I cried last night when my husband didn't answer his phone. I started thinking about what if something bad had happened to him? What if he were in an accident? Those thoughts just turned into more sad scenarios in my mind, resembling some cheesy Lifetime Original Movie--I'll spare you the details--but by the time he called me back (five minutes later) I was crying so hard he couldn't understand me, and he was relieved to find out it was just that I was crazy and emotional, and that nothing was really wrong. "Don't worry," he said, "I'd cry too if anything happened to me".

"Well Drive Safe". I really cannot imagine my life without him. Our life without him.

And this morning, already--it's not even 10 yet, I cried when I read this.

Because I am emotional I guess. Because I am pregnant. But I also think its a little bit because while we are blessed to be carrying this little life inside us while we are pregnant, they connect us somehow--like a window-- to God, who made it all possible. That through this little soul, who is so new and pure--just starting out, we feel... a little bit closer to its Creator. And our souls feel more sensitive.

My mother in law told me that she always knew when she was going to have her babies because she would cry the whole week before. I still have five weeks to go.

I better go buy some more Kleenex.