Thursday, July 30, 2009



So the thing is, I know I said I was going to write a whole bunch about parenting and all of my views and philosophies, and I never did. I started to...many times. In fact I have pages and pages of word documents about breast-feeding and co-sleeping and loving and nurturing your children. But I just couldn't get it to come out sounding right. And this stuff is important to me, so I want to get it right.

I was worried I'd sound preachy. I was worried I'd offend someone. I was worried I'd be misunderstood. And I was worried that subjects I hold near and dear to my heart would become debated and polarizing, and that's not what I wanted.

What I wanted was to explain about how I love being a mother. How in mothering I have chosen to follow what feels natural and right for my child and our family. How I respect books and other sources of information, while at the same time feel frustrated by the fear of not doing it all perfectly, they can sometimes create in mothers. (How awkward was that sentence...hopefully you get my point.) How there is more than one way of doing things right, and how we really really shouldn't be afraid to listen to our inner mother voice. We all have one...even the most reluctantly maternal of us.

And here is where I want to speak a little bit about co-sleeping. I have written pages and pages about this...answering lots of questions about the "how's" of it all. I promise I will post that (someday) I am not promising when. But I just wanted to say a little bit about it here because it kind of illustrates the main point I'd hoped to make in bringing all this up in the first place, and one that stirs in my thoughts daily.

So why do we co-sleep? I guess I have thought about all of the potential benefits vs. downsides to the whole issue--things that might appear in studies. But really, when it comes right down to it...none of that stuff really factors in to it for us.

The bottom line for me is that babies belong with their mothers. That's it. That's what I feel. That's what is for us. And to me that means in the day as well as in the night (and by the way, and maybe obviously, my husband is on board with all of this too).

What I want to say about co-sleeping is that it wasn't something that I necessarily set out to do as part of any predetermined set of parenting ideals (in fact I sort of hate that its even called "co-sleeping" its so outside the norm that it needs an official title). The truth is that while Avery slept in a little bassinet right next to me for her first months of life, I assumed that at some point she'd move into her own crib in her room we'd made for her down the hall. But as she got older, the thought of changing our little nightly getting-ready-for-bed routine to include leaving her alone in a dark room across the hall just seemed...not ideal to me (this is one of those places where I worry I will offend someone...please don't be!). I just felt like our little family should be together, and the only reason I considered putting her in a crib in her own room was because it just seemed like the thing that you were supposed to do. And actually, there were a few months were I'd start off the night putting her in her crib, and I'd just sleep in the bed in her room and by morning she'd be in bed with me anyway. We love our time together at night. Its the best time of our whole day. We're all there, clean and warm. We talk. We play. We cuddle. We nurse. We just are. Together. And for us...there is just no time that happens in the bustle of the day that compares with that. It's Yin and Yang. Our evening and night time is just part our little eco-system...although it took some evolving to get to that point. The thing is...the process of deciding to co-sleep had really nothing to do with deciding to co-sleep. It had everything to do with deciding that I could trust what felt right for us. Co-sleeping was just the natural by-product of that.

I know that people have all kinds of reasons why having their baby sleep with them wouldn't work. I am not certain that it will always work for us. But what I have learned is to stop setting artificial deadlines and expectations about that kind of thing. We'll just figure it out as we go. And I know...with out a doubt, its going to be just fine.

And here's where I bear my soul.

I relish my little girl. I try my hardest to soak her in every day. Each look she gives, each new voice inflection, or word, or question. I just breathe it. And I don't want a break from it. The way I see it-- life is uncertain, and if I can have 8 more hours a day of her...I'll gladly take it. And really, really...what else is there?

And that's it. I just miss her too much to put her in her own bed. And it turns out, she did not become a crazy, mal-adjusted monster. She is perfectly sweet and happy and well. And we are too.

So the point of all this was not to convince you to co-sleep with your baby. The point was to give you maybe a little more courage to trust yourself in your mothering journey. Don't make decisions based on fear. Be guided by love and your children's needs, and things will work out wonderfully. Even if it didn't say so in a book.

I'm positive.

*POST EDIT: After reading some of the comments responding to this post I wanted to make something really clear. I don't think that co-sleeping is right for everyone, nor do I think that it makes you a better parent. I know LOTS of parents who are just as caring, nurturing, in-tune and bonded with their babies who don't co-sleep. In fact the majority of them don't. The point of this blog wasn't to say that if you are good parent, then you should come to the same conclusions about parenting as I have. The point was to say that there are MANY ways to be a good parent and that we should have the courage to do the things that feel right for us. In writing about my experience with co-sleeping, I hoped to illustrate this point, as well as give some insight into it for people who may be considering it as an option, but are afraid based on negative examples or false information. For me, at this point in our lives, it works. And I love it. But it is also one small facet of our life and our family, and parenting like most things in life is a growing and changing thing. I think through examples of others, and personal growth and insight we evolve (hopefully) and I am just trying to contribute to that dialogue. I really appreciate everyone's comments and differing perspectives. That's the whole point!


  1. So I'm curious about co-sleeping--I'm assuming you actually have her in your bed? Do you have anything around her so that you won't roll over on her? I am always so terrified of that whenever I nurse my babies in bed, because I'm so exhausted in those early weeks...

    I agree though, there are so many personal choices where you just really have to go with what's right for your family. I was thinking about this kind of thing a lot last night, actually!

  2. Rachael...good question. I plan on posting all about the logistics of it, but to answer your question, no I don't have anything around her. I didn't sleep with her in our bed until she was old enough to roll over on her own and hold her head up. I am a super light sleeper and when she was still more of an infant I slept on my side the whole night with her tucked right in by my armpit. You kind of just get this sense (or I did anyway) about where they are in bed even while you are asleep. Basically my arm just fell asleep every night, but we stayed in really the same position. With her face by my face I could always feel her breathe and know where she was. She never slept on my husband's side of the bed though because he is a heavy sleeper too, and doesn't have that same awareness about where she is in bed. Now that she is bigger, she just sleeps in between Travis and I in her own little spot.

  3. As your pediatrician, I have no problems with co-sleeping. As your friend, I think it is fantastic. It works for you and your family, and that is all that matters. And I think Avery will probably do better than most transitioning to her own bed. She has enough of an independent spirit to her that I think when the time comes she will do great.

    ps-you didn't come off preachy or offensive. just right.

  4. AMEN!!!! I'm SO SO SO glad you are finally posting about this stuff. I love it!

    I'm with you 100%. I've found that most of this mothering business does come naturally. I haven't found the need to read 50 books on the subject. I guess part of it is just that I'm a fairly laid back person and like to go with the flow. I wish more mothers would chill out a bit and just listen to their instincts. They are there!

    I know I've told you before that I was really sad when Asher started sleeping in his crib. Well moving has actually put him back in our bed. He sleeps in his crib for naps. And usually we put him to sleep there, but he wakes up between 12 and 1 and then just stays the rest of the night with us. Its worked out well because we get a few hours of alone time and then I get to cuddle him the rest of the night. He's been sleeping really well like this. Yes, he nurses a few times, but I barely wake up for it. Sometimes Jared will ask me if I want to put Asher back in his crib and I don't. I love having him beside me. And I especially love waking up in the morning to his sweet little smile. There is nothing better.

    Rachael-- I wanted to respond to your question. Asher slept with us pretty much from day one. THen he slept almost entirely in his crib after 6 months or so. But he is now back with us most of the night as I said above. I have never even come close to rolling over on him, even when he was a tiny newborn. (We did use a sleep positioner at first. Mostly so he wouldn't roll.) You will find that your mother instincts just know where your baby is. Even when you are exhausted. It has been said though that fathers don't have this same awareness so its best to have tiny babies on the mother's side. Co-sleeping with a newborn is awesome because you really do end up getting more sleep. At least I did. I would wake up to get him latched on and then go back to sleep while he ate. I have to say that I was not nearly as tired during that stage as I thought I would be.

    Danielle, I really hope you'll write more about this stuff. And I have to say that I'm so glad we are friends. I hung out with some of my old college friends the other day and I could definitely feel the difference in our mothering styles. Its nice to have a friend who feels the same way I do. love you!

  5. First off - I have no babies :) Secondly, I think every parent should do what works for them. Thirdly - you were not preachy at all.

    Those disclaimers out of the way, I'm not a fan of co-sleeping, due to 2 things. 1) babies often don't learn to properly self-soothe, 2)it can interfere with parental bonding (to each other).

    I have several friends that co-sleep. All haven't had any level of intimacy with their husbands in over a year because the baby is in the bed. I feel very sad for them that they don't experience that closeness (even cuddling) with their spouse. Three of these friends also had babies that didn't sleep through the night for OVER A YEAR! Yikes! I've read over and over that the quick access to mom for food doesn't give them any incentive to learn to self-soothe. Co-sleeping isn't for me, but every parent has to decide where they are willing to give and take for their own family. For me, sleep and intimacy with my partner are equally as important.

  6. i appreciate you letting us take such a personal peek into your life as a mother - now that takes courage. i thought this was beautifully written and completely agree with you about not letting fear overcome your own mothering instincts. if you are responsible, intune, and devoted to your child then do what feels right to you - it will make both you and your child happier. thank you!

  7. Tia...I am curious what you mean by "properly self soothe?" That is a term I hear a lot but I don't really know what that means in a practical sense.

    I really appreciate your comment because you raise a lot of issues that I think are common concerns for people about co-sleeping. I plan on addressing all of those in my next post about this. I have had a completely different experience than the friends you mentioned in terms of intimacy. And I have never really felt the need to choose between my husband or baby. I feel sad for them too.

    Also, you are right about sleeping through the night. My 15 month doesn't always sleep through the night. She often stirs a little and rolls over and nurses... and its great. Waking up to a sleepily cuddly baby and nursing her in the quiet of the night is about as tender as special experience as I have had with my child. I guess I just don't see the downside.

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  10. Hi Danielle, I'm such a lurker. I found your blog just before you had Avery and I was pregnant with my first baby at the time. I've loved following your journey as a mom. It got me excited for when my little girl came last September. Like Avery is to you, Eliza is my world and I love it.

    I respect that you were willing to share something so personal in your post. I don't feel it was offensive in any way, I think it was a very eloquent "argument". That word so doesnt' have the right tone but I couldnt' think of what else you would call opinon/position/stance maybe? Ugg, anyway.

    I think you are so right when you say that Mothering is instinctual. As an only child with no experience with babies, I have always been TERRIFIED of babies under 6 months old and I'm not going to lie, I was equally terrified of the idea of having my own newborn. But I tell you, the second she arrived, it just felt right. In the way I was so awkward handling other infants, I was completely at ease in handling Eliza and knew exactly what to do. And its true, I think you quickly learn to follow your gut and do whats right for you and your child. My "right" can, and likely will, be different than someone else's "right" but it works for my little family.

    Not to be contentious, but I also think its too easy to form opinions on how you will raise your children BEFORE you actually have them. I had my laundry list of things that I would and would not do. You better believe that laundry list was turned on its head once Eliza was actually home and we started living "Parenting 101--The Crash Course". One can't truly "judge" until you've walked the walk and even then judgement should not be an option. You do your thing and I will do mine and everything will work just fine.

  11. Sometimes I dislike these discussions via the internet because they can come across as so blunt and rude (for lack of a better word). I'm not really that way in person :)

    For me, self-soothing means a baby can wake up at night, "entertain" itself, and fall back asleep on its own. I guess for me personally I'm not a fan of teaching a baby that eating (when it isn't necessary) is a soothing activity. I will readily admit that I am really sensitive about food issues though because I come from a family of overweight people (my brother died at 39 from heart disease). For me, I like the idea of holding a baby or allowing it to self-soothe rather than eating when he/she doesn't need to.

    To be clear to one of the other commenters, I am all for using people as support! I'm just not a fan of using food as a soothing mechanism.

    Let me reiterate that I don't judge you or anyone else who it works well for. Every parent has to do what feels right to them. I'm SO happy to hear that your experience is different than my friends. In one case, the year of no intimacy with her husband has almost cost my friend her marriage. I feel so sad for her, and for her 2 kids.

    Thanks for letting us have this discussion :)

  12. Thanks Danielle! As a fellow co-sleeper I appreciate your post. I might claim to as mine and read it to my mother in law so she will get off my back about it!!! I cant add much more to what has been said but Ive co slept with all three of my kiddos and wouldnt do it anyother way. Whats also interesting is that each kid, in their own way, has let us know when they were ready for their own beds. They have all moved easily and been wonderful sleepers, even on their own.

  13. Someone wrote, "I guess for me personally I'm not a fan of teaching a baby that eating (when it isn't necessary) is a soothing activity."
    My question is, who determines eating isn't necessary? I have read plenty of baby/parenting books through the years and believe me,new gurus with new ideas come out every decade. The baby feels it is necessary to eat, and breastfed babies are not overweight. Why would I only hold my baby when they were screaming to be fed? Or let them "self soothe" while they wail and chew on their little hands?
    Babies know when they are hungry,tired,bored etc. They are the experts. When their needs are met,they learn to trust.
    I feel sad that some marriages are lacking intimacy however strong marital bonds and strong maternal bonds are not mutually exclusive.
    Some good discussion! Tamara

  14. What a hot topic Danielle!

    I believe that there are many right ways to parent, and there are no "one way fits all" solutions to any parenting issues. I have noticed something though, in the current times it seems that many young moms are depending more heavily on books and theories and less on natural instinct and common sense. I'm not sure why that is. It seems sometimes to me that the more books that are written, and the more theories that are discovered that the more new moms are confused and unsure about doing what comes naturally. Just an observation.

    As an old timer mom (and Danielle's mother in law) I have to say that my husband and I both LOVED sleeping with our babies. We absolutely loved it. We very often started out the night with just the baby and before morning all 4 of our little ones were lined up between us. Those are some of our very, very best memories. We liked the closeness, and the feeling of keeping our kids warm, and protected, and "tended to" even at night. Neither of us can imagine missing out on all that fun, snuggly goodness. (meaning it isn't just a mom thing) Eventually our kids grew older and they slept more and more on their own because they wanted to. It happens naturally.

    So that is my experience with "co-sleeping" which used to be referred to as "a family bed" in our day. I can say it worked for us, and I think our kids turned out to be normal and well adjusted adults.

  15. Ok, I gotta jump back in here. :-)

    Tia, I too appreciate your point of view and see where you are coming from, but nursing is NOT just about eating. Its about closeness and intimacy between baby and mama. I really, really don't think that nursing is teaching babies that food=comfort. It's teaching them that mama=comfort and love. Yes, my baby gets most of his nutrition through nursing, but he also nurses when he's hurt or scared or what have you. As Danielle said, I wouldn't trade those midnight cuddle sessions.

    I should note that for young babies, they absolutely NEED to nurse at night because they ARE hungry.

    As for the husband/wife relationship. We have had NO problem finding time for each other. You just make it a priority and find the time. Babies sleep a lot! :-)

  16. Danielle, I loved this post because I completely agree with the idea that mothers need to follow their own instincts. And that what is right for one is not what is right for another and that is OK! We are all so worried that we aren't doing everything the "right" way, and someone is always giving us unsolicited advice, and we're always comparing ourselves to other mothers (at least I am) and it's enough to make you feel like a complete failure sometimes.

    Just to offer a differing perspective, I do not enjoy having a baby in my bed. I love the feeling of getting them all cozy and putting them to bed in their own special place from a pretty young age. And, that has been a successful plan for us as each of my five infants has slept through the night from quite a young age. My six month old sleeps 9-10 hours at night and wakes up with a big smile on his face. I try to make sure he nurses plenty during the day, and it's a heck of a big feeding in the morning, as you can imagine (exploding breasts?).

    I am a person who really values sleep, and with five children, it is vital that I get a good, long, sound sleep at night. So, having a baby sleep well in his own bed is a huge blessing for me. Times when I've had a baby in bed with me (because they're especially fussy, sick, etc.) I wake up feeling groggy, and frustrated that I don't have more energy.

    Kudos to mothers who feel good about co-sleeping. Danielle, your description of what it's like for you sounds just lovely. But, I don't want anyone to feel bad if it isn't what they choose to do. It is our sacred right to make these important decisions as mothers, and do what works best for us and our children.

  17. Liz....thanks for your comment. I totally appreciate your perspective. I really hope I didn't make anyone feel bad about choosing not to co-sleep. I realize I am totally in the minority with choosing to co-sleep, and that most parents (who also feel that being with their babies and nurturing and loving them is of vital importance) don't choose to co-sleep. I guess I should have made that more clear maybe? I intended this blog not to really be about co-sleeping as a choice as much as it was about how I came to my personal decision and just about how,like you said, its our sacred right as mothers to make those decisions. Anyway, thanks Liz. As a (really great) mother of five I totally value your insight. I wonder too about how co-sleeping will work for us once we have more kids...I guess we'll find out.

  18. So, late to the conversation, but thanks for writing this! Ever since you proposed this topic, a post has been floating around in my head too, but you said it so much better than I could. And I feel so similarly. Sometimes I think I "should" put Zoe in her own bed, but then the thought of not cuddling at night with her kind of breaks my heart. So I love your faith in doing what feels right and believing that things will work out.

  19. I guess I am with Liz. And with the lightest sleeper ever for a husband, it was him or the baby in my bed, and I ALWAYS chose him. I envy you your heavy sleeping husband! It sounds like a wonderful thing for your family. I hope Avery's eventual transition to her bed will go smoothly! (Unless you plan on her sharing through high school;) )

    I love your idea of doing things by instinct. I do that constantly. I just knew Reese was done nursing. It felt like I was forcing him in the last month and I was right, he slept so much better at night as soon as we stopped. And he isn't quite 1 so he shouldn't technically be ready for cows milk but I decided he was. It has been wonderful and he is such a happy/independent little guy! Our instincts are so strong. That is one of my FAVE things about being a mother.


  20. Hello! I was led into your blog via Katrina's blog and what a delight this post was to read!! I really appreciate your point of view. I totally agree that mothering comes naturally, and is totally different from mother to mother. After I had my son, I wondered 'where's the manual??' and after realizing there was NO 'book' that pertained to me and my family, I had to figure it out on my own. And when I did find that courage to go with my instincts, things went soooo smoothly!

    You didn't sound preachy at all. I feel the same way. Some families co-sleeping works, others it doesn't, some mothers nursing works, some it doesn't. some mothers are great stay-at home mothers, others are better mothers as working mothers. For us, co-sleeping is not for us, just for the fact that I sleep SO lightly when the babies are in the bed that I just don't get enough rest. I sleep so lightly because my husband does sleep so deeply and I worry he will roll on them (I have stopped him from it twice! yikes!) But nursing worked beautifully for us, especially with our second baby. I couldn't imagine a better way to bond with my baby.

    I would like to thank you for stating this need for courage to trust yourself. It took me two years after having my son before I finally learned to just sit back and enjoy the ride. Now that my daughter is almost a year I see how much more pleasant this first year has been with her because I have trusted myself.

    I hope you don't mind me blog-hopping into your blog and then writing a novel of a comment, I just really wanted to get into this conversation! It's so nice to talk to other mothers about all this stuff! I will be sure to check back from time to time!

  21. How serendipitous to find this post when I'm contemplating cribs and sleeping arrangements for our little one. My dad made us a cradle, and we use it for naps and at the beginning of every night. But our little guy has never slept well, and he always ends up curling up in my arms for the duration of the night.

    When this first started, my husband wasn't thrilled. Neither was I. This wasn't what we'd planned...At ALL. But as time progressed, I learned to love it.

    My son still doesn't sleep well. After six months, he's still up every couple of hours. I don't mind it, but I know my husband is perennially exhausted. And he's not as good at trusting our instincts as parents, especially when those instincts are different from everyone around us. (We are surrounded by Babywise folks. Yuck!)

    But now our cradle days are finally coming to a close. Our little guy just learned to pull himself up enough to where his head comes over the top of the cradle side, and if I don't want to have another scare like I did when he rolled off our bed (my huge mistake and one big miracle), we need to get a crib. But then I wonder if he will even sleep in it, or if he will be all brokenhearted even at naptime at being what looks like a civilized cage. And I still have to have major surgery from birth injuries, which will cause us to have to accept longterm babysitting help, and will make me unavailable to get up with him at night.

    All these things I worry about and try to find answers or solutions that don't break my heart. In the meantime, I love the fact that he's safe in my arms at 3 in the morning, and that our faces are just inches from each other as I snuggle him close. My only regret is that no one around us supports this idea, and there is no one to tell my husband that we are doing a good job and making wise choices in our parenting styles.

  22. hey Danielle it is Julie Miz. I am in town and would love to see you and Kate if that would work out I would love it. I know she doesn't blog anymore so I thought that i would write on your blog. And since i am here I thought that I would throw out my view. I love that we trust our instincs. But sometimes I think that we do what we love and not ness. what is best for the child. And somethings I don't think really matter that much. I don't mean to say that I don't care but Jake doesn't remember how long i nursed him or how many nights he slept in our bed. But what he does know is that I love him. Day and night. I think how you play with them and spend time in the day teaching them makes them more who they are than if you sleep with them. But I think that sometimes it is more important for the Mother to feel the nursing/sleeping bond more than it is for the baby. And there is nothing wrong with that. If that special time make you a better Mother than do it and if not having the baby in the bed make you a better mother than do that Either way we need to be the best mothers we can be. Now that being said I slep with both my kids from day one. I was excited to here them cry in the middle of the night becasue I would miss them when they were sleeping I would fall asleep nursing and wake up with my shoulder killing from the postion I was in and i didn't care because that perfect cute beautiful baby was there asleep by me gave me joy that i never thought possible. And then I had Ash and Jake would often sleep with us. I would try to get him to at least start in his own bed and then every night he would walk in to our room and climb in bed with us. but when ash was a little older she was so wiggly I couldn't sleep and She was having a hard time sleeping it worked out for her to go to her crib and now we are on baby number 3 and i know that she will spend a lot of time in our bed. along with the other kids. But the down side. Jake is a terrible sleeper he hate hate hates to sleep without me sleeping by him. Naps are hard and bedtime is really hard. I can't help but think that is was because I never let him cry and always would rock him and sing and sleep with him. But I loved that time for me and wouldn't have changed it. but sometime i do wonder if he would be a little bit more independant if I would have let him work it out on his own. But is all comes out in the wash as we work on this thing called mothering. and I love it with all of it's up and down. But just wait for a little while longer when the kids get a little older and more children come to your family. And things will change and lessons will be learned.

  23. please excuse my grammer in the last post, it is very late and I am very tired.

  24. I found your blog off of my sis in laws, Stacy H. I have enjoyed your posts on the creative things you do and make. You also take darn cute pictures.
    Even though I don't co-sleep with my two boys, I love how you expressed your feelings on the co-sleeping situation, but I more loved how you expressed the feelings on maternal instinct. I wish more people would realize that if we could all just accept that there is no "right" way for everyone, that everyone has an opinion...and it's OK to have an opinion, then I think this world of ours wouldn't be such a mess. Any way, I think what you wrote was lovely and I enjoy reading your blog here and there.

  25. so interesting reading all the comments! i love hearing about everyone's parenting philosophies--obviously there are a lot of very loved little kiddies out there!

    Since we do practice the Babywise principles, and I'm a bit on the other side here, I want to say that for me it's really important to be able to sleep without the baby and all through the night. I feel like I'm a more functional mother the next day for my other children, even if I don't have the cuddling with the baby in the night (I think we get plenty of that during the late-night nursing sessions, even if we're not in bed!) I also really enjoy the time alone at night after the children are in bed where I can just relax in my room with a good book, and my husband and I often talk for an hour or two after we're in bed, which I don't think would happen for us if we had a baby in bed.

    It's my opinion that a lot of the reason why our children sleep so well at night now is because we did help them learn at an early age to sleep on their own. Again, this may be a peaceful transition with co-sleeping, I really don't know, but it's been my experience at least that our children have slept peacefully and soundly through the night from a fairly early age, and it seems like in large part it's because they developed that habit early on. However, it wasn't exactly fun "training" them--I'll be the first to admit that.

    One last thought: with my first baby, I would often go get her out of her crib and cuddle her for a few hours in the middle of the night before putting her back in. With subsequent children, I've really valued the "alone" time and needed the extra sleep so that I could be on top of things for the other children the next day. I wonder if co-sleeping is more common with parents who only have one child?

    But one of my very favorite parts of the week is on Saturday mornings when we purposefully stay in bed until the kids come running in and bounce on us, and all five of us cuddle together. I love that time!

  26. I'm proud of you for being brave and bearing your soul to the world. It is not an easy thing to do.
    Reading this post shed light on what a desperately devoted mother you are (and I mean that with 100% respect and sincerity). You are SO deeply connected to Avery, Danielle. It's inspiring to me.
    My thoughts on co-sleeping: amen to those for whom it works. I am not among the rare few simply out of selfishness. Here's what I mean in simple terms:
    Mom + Baby in bed with Mom = sleepless night for Mom = grumpy Mom.
    I crave my sleep and I am a neurotic, nervous wreck when either one of my boys are in my room with me on the floor, in a bassinet, in the bed with me and name it! haha.
    Again, I'm so impressed with you, your devotion to Avery, your love of Motherhood, and you willingness to share your heart with us.

  27. are NOT selfish for needing sleep. My goodness. And I need sleep too! The thing is...I am just a neurotic mess when Avery is not sleeping in my room. It's funny though because a lot of people assume that I am not sleeping well because she is in bed with me, and while there are for sure some nights like that, for the most part, we all sleep great. I got used to it...just like I am sure I would probably eventually get used to having her not in my bed. (That's what I tell myself anyway.)

    Anyway, thanks.

  28. "(We are surrounded by Babywise folks. Yuck!)"
    Wasn't Danielle's post essentially about trusting your instincts as parents? It comes across pretty rude for you to have such disdain for people who have perhaps trusted their instincts but happen to have different instincts than you. The other posters here seem to have done a remarkably good job of respecting others' opinions and approaches, even if they differ from their own. We're all loving parents trying to find the best paths for our families--why say "yuck?"
    I'm glad no one got on here and complained about "being surrounded by co-sleeping parents. Yuck!"


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