So I had this whole weepy post about postpartum depression, the miracle of bringing life into the world, and the importance (to me) of carving out a little time to meditate on that and soak it in (the miracle!) fully.
But I just couldn't get it to come out right. Because you know--hormones have jumbled up my brain.
So I will just say that I didn't get enough of the little nesting rituals before sweet Oliver was born. I was too busy trying to get the house finished (and by that I mean livable, not finished). And after he was born I grieved missing out on that time.
You know--time spent readying his room, putting away his things, or sewing tiny clothes or a quilt for him.
I knew that it didn't matter to him. All he would really need was a warm spot next to me in bed, and the love and comfort we would provide.
But it turns out, those little rituals...they matter to me.
Because, for me, making a baby quilt isn't really about the baby ending up with a quilt. It's about fully realizing and experiencing the wonderful and sacred process I am partaking in. It's about being fully present in that moment. A new life is about to join us. A life that we have considered and prepared for.
The making just provides an outlet for my hands, while I quiet my brain and ponder just those things for an hour or two each day. It's a celebration. A little bit of fuss.
And though he may not need it, he deserves it no less.
So two weeks after his birth, I swaddled him close, and took him to the fabric store. I cooed and cuddled him while choosing shades of green and blue for his quilt.
He may be a teenager before its finished. But that doesn't matter. For a few minutes here and there each day I will stitch. And while I stitch I will think about how lucky I am to be his mother, and how grateful I am that he is in our lives.
And in the end he will have something made with my hands that will wrap him physically in my love.
And will hopefully let him know,
that he is celebrated.
PS. In case you are wondering... zigzag quilt inspiration here (I can only hope mine turns out as cute!) and tutorial here.