Avery has been asking when she gets to go to school since she could speak.
When we pass a group of kids walking home with backpacks on she would slump her shoulders and sigh and wonder when it was her turn.
She was disappointed the day we went to pick up her registration paperwork and I didn't leave her there, but rather we had a short visit and came home. "Just leave me here mom...just go".
Avery is fearless. Avery is independent. Avery has such curiosity and vigor. I don't know a soul like her.
(we got to join her for a picnic after class on her first day)
Ms. Gretel has a backyard that looks like the garden of Eden. She speaks to the children in a calm voice that draws them in. Avery loves her.
They sing and play and make and do.
(I packed her a special lunch in this cute little bento box that her Grandma Wilson gave us. I was so glad for the distraction as I busied myself carefully cutting her sandwich in the shape of an "A" (mom..was that cookie cutter from you?) and tried not to cry about her being gone.)
Avery leaps from the car when its time for preschool. "Bye mom!" Yesterday she met her friend at the curb. She was having a hard time leaving her mom. Avery grabbed her hand and told her, "Come on! It's so fun. Don't worry...your mom will come back." And they two made their way to the door. Avery nudging her along hands held together.
Where did this child come from?
(so cute all wrapped up in the special napkin from grandma...she takes such good care of us.)She is so happy to be engaged. To be with kids. To learn new things.
I am so happy for her.
(Mom! she exclaimed when I she saw me. She was so happy to see us. I was so happy to see her.)And yet I feel sick every day I drop her off there. (I would have backed out before it even started if it wouldn't have devastated her).
I can't explain why. It's not that I miss her (though I do)
It's not that I worry she'll miss me (she doesn't)
It's not even that I am sad that she is growing up.
I am so happy and proud and glad that she is getting to grow and learn and that she loves it.
It's just hard to let someone else into our little world I guess. To trust her care to someone else. Because no matter how great they are, nobody is going to be as concerned about her well-being, her spirit and her safety as me.
It's hard to let them go. So Hard.
Avery's thoughts here